Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly,Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory.
Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine;
let me find Thy light in my darkness,
Thy life in my death,
Thy joy in my sorrow,
Thy grace in my sin,
Thy riches in my poverty,
Thy glory in my valley.
- Arthur Bennett

Summer's over. My dorm hall is mostly vacant and the smell of bleach and the sounds of vacuums are taking over. Last night people were up late into the night crying and saying their last goodbyes. For most, college starts soon, for others a job back home is calling. As for me, I'm staying here.

I'm still trying to process all the events that have led to this moment. The tears and late night talks with Jesus that have gotten me to this point. I'm confident that this is where I'm supposed to be. I'm confident that his plan is better than anything I could ever dream up but that doesn't keep me from wondering where I go from here. Staying in North Carolina and taking this internship is one of the biggest life decisions that I've made over my short life thus far. I've never been able to identify with Peter in the boat more than now.

I was reading through some of my past blog posts over the last couple years and I was brought to tears when they reminded me of the Lord's goodness. I was reminded that I planned on moving here in Spring 2018 until all the doors shut. And now as I write this it's Summer 2018 and the Lord has said "now it's time." I'm learning that sometimes God's answer isn't "yes" or "no." Sometimes his answer is just "wait."

Until the next step, I'm resting in the overwhelming peace that he has covered me with. I'm resting in knowing that although my situations and circumstances may be ever changing he isn't.

In the fall I was supposed to move in with my best friend and start my first semester at the university in the social work program. Slowly and then all at once all of that was taken from me one way or another. My car blew up and all other plans fell through. I cried and every day I woke up asking God "what the heck are you doing?" I loved school and I wanted so badly to be able to have the best friend roomie experience. After finally getting to a point where I was comfortable and content at school and in my social life all of it was being taken away.

It's hard to be in another state away from your family and friends when tragedy strikes back home. You feel as though your hands are tied behind your back with no way possible to help your loved ones when they need you the most.

I screamed at God this past week. I took a day to be alone, by myself, my music, and my car. We drove the Blue Ridge Parkway up and down, pulling off at the most pristine panoramic mountain views. I had a picnic by myself. I sang Taylor Swift a little too loud. And after fighting it, I finally silenced the music and cried out. Countless things have been swirling around my head lately. I'm overwhelmed with it all. So I cried out to my Creator. I was honest about how angry I am, about my fears, my hopes, and with windblown hair and tear-stained eyes, I felt closer to Him than I have in a very long time. Through the silence He whispers, "I'm holding you. Cling to me."

A week has past and honestly no problem or trial in my life has improved; if anything I've gained a couple more or the ones I had have gotten progressively worse. Still He whispers, "I'm holding you. Cling to me."  Knowing Christ doesn't make my problems nonexistent, but He holds me through it all, and that makes all the difference.

 Unexpected work.
I went into this summer job not knowing too much about it. I knew I was going to be outside most of the day and that's honestly all that mattered. This job has turned out to be one of the, of not the best job I have ever had. I enjoy the team I work with and we all get along well. I never knew ziplining, rock wall climbing, and ropes course instructing could be this much fun.
 Unexpected lessons.
I've learned so many lessons about life just over these past one and a half weeks. I've learned how to be a better leader, a better listener, a better encourager, and I've learned more about totally embracing who I am as a person.


The Lord has been reminding me that my worth isn't found in my GPA, college degree, or any accomplishment, my worth is found in Him alone. In Christ alone, my hope and worth are found.

  

During my time in Yellowstone I met two southern belles from North Carolina. After realizing that all three of us had a lot in common we started hanging out after our shifts at work. Quickly we were stargazing past midnight and eating ice cream straight from the tub while discussing life.