I think maybe I haven’t been real. I think perhaps I’ve only shown my highlights instead of the trenches where I’ve been this past year. I’ve blogged and posted about my move to North Carolina from Louisiana. I’ve talked about the Lord and all His many blessings, but I’ve failed to talk about all the in between. I’ve failed to mention the sleepless nights, the lonely days, and the mental exhaustion that comes with moving into unknown spaces.

I’ve had to learn a new culture. I’ve had to meet new people and attempt to make new friends. I’ve spent countless hours trying to find a church to call home. I’ve cried over not having a Christian community here. While this move has been one of the most exhilarating times in my life, it has also been the most trying.

I’ve prayed more over the past year than I have in my whole life up until this point. My Creator is the only constant in this season and being in communication and community with Him has been the only thing that keeps me going.

I’ve also cried more and been more aware of my mental state than I have ever been. I’ve learned that suppressing my feelings doesn’t accomplish anything and talking things through with trusted, Christian brothers and sisters can make a world of difference.



The good news in all of this is that our Creator is still on His throne. His goodness is never ending, and His promises are sure. Despite everything, He is still good.

Friends, lean into Him. When you feel like you don’t have community, He is your community. When you feel like you don’t have family, He is your father. He will always be enough. He will always supply your needs before you even know what you need.  

Four months is a short time in the large picture of life, but to me, these past four months have been a growth spurt of sorts. It's like when you're little and you wake up one morning and all your clothes don't fit anymore. Your toes uncomfortably touch the end of your shoes, your pants are short enough to see your rainbow colored socks, and your shirts barely touch the top of your pants. These are the signs that you've physically grown taller, wider, stronger, and older. I feel like this short season I've awoken to something new, new struggles and hurdles, but I've also awakened to find new mental and spiritual growth.

I thought that the Lord was calling me to another state, another school, and another community. I was completely ready to drop everything, pack up the car, and run towards what He had in store. I was nervous but mainly excited to start fresh. I was ready to find a church to call my own, a community, friends, a "big kid" job, and figure out a new college and new professors. I was ready for it all. I was constantly planning my whole life around this huge move. The main reason I was so excited is that I wanted to "make a new life." I wanted to do something that was difficult.



The closer I got to the date of the move the more and more doors slammed shut. None of my college credits would transfer to the other schools I had been applying for, my job situation was iffy, and everything surrounding the move was very uneasy. I was so stressed; why if I was doing what the Lord wanted were all these doors shutting? I knew this was going to be difficult, but it was turning out to be impossible. It wasn't until I broke down crying in my car and hitting the steering wheel that I realized, I never wanted to do the hard thing at all, I wanted the easy way out. It's easy to move away from your family and friends and be forced to find community, a church, and a place of belonging. It's easy to start life with a clean slate. What's hard is starting a new life in a place you're already known. What's hard is branching out to find a new community and new friends when you are comfortable. Comfort is the problem.

Like when I was seven and I hit that growth spurt, I had to shed the old clothes and go buy new ones (or pull out my cousin's hand-me-downs from the top of my closet), I'm shedding and I've never felt better. The Lord has given me such a peace and He has opened so many doors just in this past week that I could've never imagined He would.


I went to visit one of my professors this past week just to catch her up to speed on the whirlwind my life has been lately, she said:

"A friend told me once whenever you're faced with a difficult decision and you are unsure of the Lord's will just follow the peace." 

She went on to tell me about how every time she has had to make a big decision she knows that she has done the right thing if she has an unexplainable peace. I know this to be true, but it was a nice reminder. I do feel a peace about staying in Louisiana for now. I see that there can be so much good that can come out of staying here. I also know that His plans are perfect. This season is growing pains and sometimes it hurts more than the physical ones when I was seven.

It's hard to be in another state away from your family and friends when tragedy strikes back home. You feel as though your hands are tied behind your back with no way possible to help your loved ones when they need you the most.

I screamed at God this past week. I took a day to be alone, by myself, my music, and my car. We drove the Blue Ridge Parkway up and down, pulling off at the most pristine panoramic mountain views. I had a picnic by myself. I sang Taylor Swift a little too loud. And after fighting it, I finally silenced the music and cried out. Countless things have been swirling around my head lately. I'm overwhelmed with it all. So I cried out to my Creator. I was honest about how angry I am, about my fears, my hopes, and with windblown hair and tear-stained eyes, I felt closer to Him than I have in a very long time. Through the silence He whispers, "I'm holding you. Cling to me."

A week has past and honestly no problem or trial in my life has improved; if anything I've gained a couple more or the ones I had have gotten progressively worse. Still He whispers, "I'm holding you. Cling to me."  Knowing Christ doesn't make my problems nonexistent, but He holds me through it all, and that makes all the difference.

For those that don't know, I'm back in Louisiana! I've been back in LA for a few weeks and returned back to school last week. I was happy to return, but I didn't come back to the same Louisiana that I left. I came back to a Louisiana that was drowning in water. I came back to many of my friend's houses marked with water lines. Many if not all their possessions destroyed by the rising floodwaters. I came back to many loved ones having to start over literally from the ground up.

As soon as I was able I was mudding out houses and that's when it really hit me how real and traumatic this flood had been for people that I love. I saw people in sobbing. I saw people without a place to lay their children's heads at night. I saw tear filled eyes that said, "how are we going to get through this." I've also seen people unite. I've seen the body of Christ come together and put aside their differences to help those in need. I've seen a generation of young people with eager hearts ready to serve.

The dreaded Monday. The first day of most peoples' week. Just thinking about Monday can make some cringe. Today while I was sitting in the office I was reflecting on this past weekend. 

Dad: Amelia you need to go feed the dog, because you haven't fed him today.
Amelia: But I don't like going outside when it's dark.
Dad: Then you should remember to feed him during the day.
Amelia: But I have so much to do during the day.
Dad: Like what? Watch "I Love Lucy"?
Amelia: Like, watching "Little House on the Prairie" and "I Love Lucy", and worrying about if I have a test today in school work.

By the end of this last statement everyone in the house was cracking up. She can't remember to feed the dog during the day because she has to watch tv and worry about third grade school work!

To everyone in the house (besides Amelia) we knew it was silly of her to use those excuses because she's a third grader. We know that she does have time to feed the dog during the day, and even if she didn't, feeding the dog is more important than watching "I Love Lucy". This got me to thinking. How many times do I do the same thing to God? God says "spend time with me" and I say "not now God", "I'm too busy God", "maybe later if I have time God". Like Amelia, those excuses sound legitimate, but to God they sound like Amelia's excuses did to us.

To be honest I've been struggling with this lately. I know that I have time to spend with Him, but I always end up making excuses. I'm trying to make spending time with my Creator a top priority.

I hope that this encourages someone to trust God and follow His plan for their life.

G R A C E